After a few drinks, someone decided we should gamble. After a quick glance at the tables where we were, we decided the price per hand was too high for us. Most of us didn’t know how to gamble and the thought of losing $25 a second seemed hard to swallow.
So we decided to go to Old Vegas where the hands are cheaper.
I had not been to Old Vegas in close to 20 years and I was surprised to see all the changes they’ve done. At one point, a large digital display was installed over Freemont St.
I’m no fun. I know that.
I’m funny but by my own standards. I’m afraid to actually ask people if I’m funny in case I find out the truth and I’m not. Like the old proverb says, “ignorance is funny bliss.”
But I’m no fun. At least not anymore. I used to be fun. It was a prerequisite for acceptance into San Diego State University — an STD would fulfill the requirement, too. The Office of Registrar figured out that 1-in-4 students leave with one, they might as well get ahead of the process.
You see? You didn’t need to…
Poppies look like testicles before they blossom and I feel that ruins relationships for women who like to garden. There they are; waiting for the testicles to bloom into beautiful flowers like poppies do and they never do.
The testicles just sit there looking like a prune that turned and went bad or like a centenarian who was embalmed as he was eating a lemon.
That’s not to say testicles never change. They do. But only their length. …
I didn’t kill him because I thought it was amusing.
I had a green light to turn left, and as I started going, I saw him. He floored his motorcycle and ran the red light. Calling his vehicle a motorcycle is generous on my part as it was smaller than my two-year-old daughter’s tricycle.
I thought it was interesting he decided to run the red light. Why not wait? Why get killed on a small motorcycle? Maybe it would’ve not mattered on a monster truck. But it was fascinating to see this dude assert his masculinity on a clown bike.
Can you help me down? Miia’s mom taped me here.
Just help me down and I’ll tell you the story.
Good question. I don’t know why she did it.
But I have a guess.
Miia is about to turn eight and eight is the age when kids who can talk to inanimate objects forget they can talk to inanimate objects.
Inanimate supposedly means we don’t have a soul. I can’t read but I listen attentively to everything humans say. Doesn’t that mean I have a soul?
I think all inanimate objects have a soul. You just can’t hear it. It…
I chose an occupation that
wouldn’t hurt my back.
But as it turns out,
talking some smack
is worse than crack.
“Talking is a risk factor,”
my dentist warns me.
At the rate that I do it,
it builds tartar like concrete.
My boss asks me what have I got;
I tell him I’m working on deals to wrap.
He says I bet it cut the crap
or he’ll send me packing my bag.
I update my notes; this CRM tracks my life.
I tense up my muscles, neck, jaw, and back.
My chiro repeats, “you need to relax.” …
I wonder what my stance would be on ‘writing what the algorithm wants’ if my livelihood depended on my partner payments.
I often tell my wife that no job is too small when you need to put food on the table and, as an immigrant, I have worked some weird jobs.
I once convinced my neighbor to let me use his van to deliver phone books. We loaded so many books on it that we almost broke it.
The rules of engagement were clear, if you didn't deliver all books within the timeline, you didn’t get paid. This is a…
I was recently thinking of slurs you can use against Latinos like me and I couldn’t think of a word that was as bad as what the N-word is for African-Americans.
They exist but they don’t seem that bad to me.
Nobody knows what spic means.
Wetback could mean you like going on swims.
Mexican when you are not Mexican. Which is, just so you know, almost all Latinos. But that is just a nationality or it could mean that you can grow a bad-ass mustache.
I guess the worst of all of them is beaners.
But why is that…
I inherited a very expensive family heirloom from my dad. I inherited his bad gums. Over the past 15 years, I’ve sunk good money after bad on that precious family gift.
I was thinking about this recently because I was looking at the mirror and I thought, “oh, my god. I have soooo many teeth.” Have you ever thought that? You open your mouth and you are painfully aware you have so many teeth your smile looks like a barber comb.
It might not always be this way. As I mentioned, my dad’s gum disease is out to get me…
It took Jack one week to put the entire blessing event together. It is easier to coordinate events when clients are excited, and one of them has money. The weather favored Steve and Victoria, another positive auspice of the inevitable success this horse show was bound to bring his clients. He thought.
This was Jack's only blessing ceremony. There was no need to tell Steve and Victoria because he was sure he would be the premier blessings broker of San Diego and possibly all of Southern California in a year. …